Holiday Time Cocomallows!

Time for a history lesson, kids!

  It seems that a lot of folks don’t know that marshmallow is a plant.  Apparently, the use of marshmallow to make a candy dates back to ancient Egypt, where the recipe called for extracting sap from the plant and mixing it with nuts and honey. Another pre-modern recipe uses the pith of the marshmallow plant, rather than the sap. The stem was peeled back to reveal the soft and spongy pith, which was boiled in sugar syrup and dried to produce a soft, chewy confection.

  Candymakers in early 19th century France may have made the innovation of whipping up the marshmallow sap and sweetening it, to make a confection similar to modern “marshmallows”. They would extract the sap from the mallow plant's root, and whip it themselves. The candy was very popular but its manufacture was labor-intensive. In the late 19th century, French manufacturers devised a way to get around this by using egg whites or gelatin, combined with corn starch, to create the chewy base.  So, I guess even those fancy Frenchies have been known to bastardize a thing or two.  It ain’t just us ‘mericans.

Well, this recipe is adapted from Smitten Kitchen:

INGREDIENTS

about 1 cup powdered sugar

3 1/2 envelopes unflavored gelatin (a disgusting and useful product)

1-2 tablespoons coconut flavor (also pretty gross)

about 1 cup shredded coconut, toasted nice and golden

1 cup cold water

2 cups granulated sugar (cane sugar works fine too)

1/2 cup brown rice syrup (available at your local natural foods store)

1/4 teaspoon salt

2 large egg whites

METHOD

Oil the bottom and sides of a 9x13 metal or glass baking pan and dust it with about 1/3 of the coconut, followed by a bit of the powdered sugar.

In the bowl of a fancy standing electric mixer, or in another large bowl, dump half of your cold water and sprinkle all of the gelatin over it.  Leave it be.

In a heavy saucepan (3-quart or larger) cook the granulated sugar, rice syrup, other half of the water, and salt over medium-low heat, stirring with a wooden spoon, until sugar is dissolved.  Now increase the heat just a bit and boil the mixture, WITHOUT STIRRING, until a candy or digital thermometer hits the 240F mark.  It’s gonna take about 12 or 15 minutes.  And be sure it never looks like it’ll boil over.  Burnt sugar on your burner would ruin Christmas, or whatever other silly things you people celebrate.  Remove your pan from the burner promptly at 240F and pour the whole mess straight on top of the gelatin.  

Now with that fancy mixer, or a nice little hand-held version, whip that shit!  But don’t fling hot sugar on your eyeballs.  You’re looking for about a triple in volume, and it’ll be silky-looking and white and fluffy.  Should take 10-15 minutes-ish.

While you’re overseeing that, have a tiny helper or small slave whip the egg whites in a separate bowl until you get peaks.  These peaks can be loose or stiff or somewhere in between; don't really think it makes a huge diff.

Beat your whites into your sugar fluff, followed by the coconut flavoring.

Coax it all into the prepared pan.  Very sticky.  Sprinkle the remaining toasted coconut on top.  Let it chill, uncovered, until firm, for at least 3 hours, or up to a day.

Now time to cut!  So fun!  Pry the marshmallow block away from the sides of the pan to loosen and then grab an end and pull the whole thing outta there, right onto a cutting board, the bigger the better.  Cut into whatever sizes you want.  A lightly oiled pizza wheel works good for this.  Toss your fluff buds in the remaining powdered sugar, shake off excess, and cram that face.  Cram your friends’ faces too.

TASTING NOTES

FLLLLLUFFY!!!!  So tender as well.  Those little crunchy coconut bits break up the wondrous monotony of heavenly cloud cubes.  You can squish'em, bounce'em, or even put'em on yer titties like pasties (because they're sticky inside)!!!

Scotch Eggs? Okay.

Exhibit A.  the scotch egg.

Throughout the UK, one can commonly find run-of-the-mill Scotch Eggs cling-filmed in supermarkets, convenience stores, and motorway service stations: a hard-boiled egg surrounded by sausage, rolled in bread crumbs, and deep-fried.  Then slapped in the cool box for a couple months, until those limey blokes waddle along and decide to start muggin’ up.  Bluuuurgh.

  Variations also abound.  A plethora of supermarket brands over there across the pond feature a chopped egg center combined with mayo or bacon.  In Manchester they use a pickled egg and throw in some black pudding, which is some seriously ridiculous pudding (look it up).  Some US “pubs” dip them in ranch.  In case you didn’t know, you can ruin a TURD by dipping it in ranch.  The occasional state fair might serve them on a stick, which is handy and extra fun.  This silly snack nugget has even found it’s way to multiple fast-food chains in Africa.  Yep, Africa has fast-food chains.  

  Well, despite all that could go wrong with such a concoction, we found this classic British picnic fare to have some major potential.  MAJOR.

I beleive the conversation went something like this....

Ritter: Balls?!

Amanda: BALLS!!

Mike B: Balls.

Aiko: ruff!

Fried sausage-y balls?!?! A resounding Yes please!!! 
...But hold the coagulated blood, thanks.

  

We went for a relatively simple equation:

INGREDIENTS

6 hard-boiled eggs, peeled (blanching in cold water after boiling eases the peeling! And it will smell like dog farts in your kitchen for an hour or so)

3/4-1 lb sweet Italian sausage (yeah! pork fat!), or your preferred ground meat mixture

3/4 cup dry bread crumbs, seasoned as you like

heavy saucepan with about 3 inches of peanut or canola oil for frying

 (but we plopped them in the Fry Daddy; love that thing)

some sauces you like, for dipping

METHOD

  Heat your oil on the cooker to about 360 degrees, give or take a few.  If you don’t have a frying thermometer, drop a 1” cube of bread in there, and if it browns nicely in about a minute, you’ve got yourself about 365.  Don’t be afraid to estimate a little.  The shit will still get fried.  A little hotter is better than a little too cool.  But if you’re lucky like some of us, you can have both.

sausage baby

  Divide the sausage into 6 portions.  Take each glob and flatten it like a burger, about 1/4-3/8 inch thick.  Just slap it out into a niiice thin round of meat. Not too thick now, y’hear??? Too much sausage means the outer breading will burn and you'll still have raw pork fat.        

  
Now wrap it around those little bollocks.  Roll them in the bread crumbs, good ‘n crumby.  Really pack those crumbs on there.  It’s imperative for a deliciously crispy coating!

  

cradle and crumb-coat

Fry 2 eggs at a time, but no more, for about 1 1/2-2 minutes.  Keep an eye on the outside.  It should brown up pretty quick.  If you do more simultaneously, the oil temp could drop too drastically and you could have greasy-sponge no-good crap balls instead of nice crispy buddies.  Don’t waste yer pork fat! 

  Drain and serve halved or quartered alongside you favorite saucy bits.  But no ranch allowed, wally.

  
TASTING NOTES

HP=A1, more or less

What do you think it tasted like???  Deep-fried sausage-covered eggs.  And with the pairing of HP sauce and some decent brown mustard, we hit this one basically way out of the park.  If you're unfamiliar with HP, it's fancy British A1.  Thanks, the UK.  


We reveled in a miniature pig-out session spent hovering over the greasy countertop just praying for a reason to stop wolfing them down.  But honestly, one is enough.  Oh, gut rot.  Oooooh bloat.